I think I am pre menopausal. No, let me rephrase that. I KNOW that I am pre menopausal. If the fact that I fantasize about strangling my unsuspecting family as they lie sleeping in their beds is any clue, then yes, I am pre menopausal. Shoot, maybe I am not "pre" at all, perhaps it is FULL BLOWN menopause. Take into consideration the fact that I wake up all through the night absolutely soaked in sweat, alternating between freezing and boiling internally.
And then, there is that horrible little flaw of mine. The one that wants to chase certain Wal Mart shoppers down with an oversized zucchini and beat some common sense into them. Lord have mercy. I can't tell you how many times in one day I WISH that some annoying customer would find themselves standing directly UNDER one of Wal Mart's "falling prices."
Such was the case yesterday as I sampled my wares. I am standing there, hoping that someone will take an interest in the Smoky Barbecue Wheat Thins that I am hawking when a loud voice bellows, "Make way! Speed Racer's coming!" Startled, I look up to see the man who had made the announcement. He stood there in the center of the aisle, his large silver belt buckle cutting into the beer gut that hung over his Levi's. He wore a dirty white t-shirt and a baseball cap sat atop his head.
About that time, rounding the corner, "Speed Racer" came into view. This fella wasn't a whole lot better off than his announcer. He was in one of those motorized scooter thingies. And, from the looks of it, had no valid reason for operating one in the fist place!
He rolls up to my cart and says, "So what do you have here?" I promptly recite to him the scripted pitch as he reaches under the sneeze guard to retrieve some Wheat Thins. It is then that I hear his friend, who had previously heralded his arrival yell out, yet again, "Aaahhh, leave that alone! You can't even chew..........you aint got no teeth!" With that, "Speed Racer" put it in high gear and split.
Oh dear Lord!! Surely you have landed me in this place for some reason other than earning Sam Walton an extra buck. Perhaps it is patience and long suffering that God is intending to teach me.
My patience was put to the test once again later in the day when I hear a very large man barking orders to his tiny, frail grandmother. I glared at him, he didn't see me, too intent was he upon getting granny to do his bidding. Later, I return to my cart to find Grandma loitering there. She explains to me that her grandson does not want her wandering around the store while he shops because he does not want her to buy anything. Astounded, I am prepared to tell her just what I think of her brutish grandson's treatment of her, when, down the aisle, howling at the top of his lungs calling for gram's, lumbers said bully. Grandma scampers off after him as I shoot him a look that would wilt lettuce.
All I could think about was the fact that if that were ME treating MY mother or grandmother in that manner, I would find myself traveling from the produce department to the electronics department at the speed of light.........with a tatoo of my mother's handprint on the side of my face for dramatic affect.
Sheesh!! What is this world coming to? I see a lot from my little Wal Mart cart, some of which I would rather not ever have to see, but then again, there are scenes that warm the heart. For instance, the elderly couple walking,still holding hands, in love after all these years. Or the young mother, talking to her baby sitting in the seat of the cart as she shops, the dad shopping alone with all of his kids as they run around sucking on suckers he has purchased to keep them quiet and compliant. And then there is the family that comes in every week with their down syndrome son, his hair neatly combed, parted on the side, all spit polished and neat as a pin, and he, with that ever present smile...........
You see, there ARE positive things besides the lowest prices of any retail market to be found at Wal Mart.
So,today, I prepare to set up my cart of "bright ideas" yet once again. And if you dare backtalk your little grandma, I be comin' after you with a large vegetable. =)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Quick Cook Pasta? Who'da a Thunk It?
I had a wonderfully busy time today at your friendly, one stop shopping place, WAL MART! I was rustling up some really good grub that I intend to share with all of my readers. I can't say that I received any new and amazing revelations, or that I observed anything that would cause you to fall out of your chair laughing, but I do have some things to share with you!
For starters, I would like to share with you the recipe that I referred to in my last blog, remember, the one with the rice and the VEGGIES that grown, muscle bound men refused to eat? Well, it was delicious and housewives everywhere are going to thank me for the recipe! So, here goes!
Mexican Rice With Bouillon (don't know why they call it "mexican", doesn't seem mexican to me, but what do I know?)
1 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 1/2 cups of Instant or Raw Rice
3 Cups of Water
1 Tbsp. Chicken Bouillon Granules
1 1/2 Cup Frozen Peas and Carrots
Heat olive oil in a large sauce pot over heat and cook rice about 2 minutes or until a golden brown, stirring often. Add water and bouillon and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered about 20 minutes or until rice is tender (if you are using instant rice, the cooking time will be shorter) Add frozen vegetables during the last 5 minutes. Remove from heat and fluff with a fork and you are all done!
If you are feeling especially "international," scramble up some eggs and toss with the rice. Throw in some diced ham and a little soy sauce, and, VOILA! You be gettin' yo' chinese on!!
Yesterday, I cooked up some "Tomato Basil Meatball Rotini." One fella came by and asked what I was serving. I very plainly and distinctly told him "pasta with MEATballs." He eyed it, pointed at it and asked, "Does it have meat?" I just looked at him, toothpick in hand and picked out one of the MEATballs and held it up in front of his face. What does one do in a case like this? Sheesh! The recipe for this heavenly dish is as follows.
Tomato Basil MEATBALL Rotini
1/2 bag, approximately 32 frozen, italian style meatballs
2 Cups of Quick Cook Penne Pasta (yes, I said quick cook! It cooks in like 3 minutes! Every woman's dream!)
1 Cup of any brand Spaghetti Sauce
1 Cup of Water
2 Cups of Pictsweet Seasoning Blend (you can find this in the frozen vegetables section)
1 Container of Philadelphia Cooking Cream, Tomato Basil (this will be by the cream cheese)
Preheat an electric skillet to 350 degrees. Add the meatballs, the pasta, spaghetti sauce and water. Top with the 2 cups of frozen seasoning blend and cover. Cook for about 10 minutes, stirring at least every 5 minutes. Add the whole container of the Philadelphia Cooking Cream and stir. Reduce temperature to 200 degrees and let simmer, stirring continuously. When heated through, SERVE! It is very easy and very delicious! Enjoy!
I also served up some warm french bread with a dipping sauce. The sauce consisted of 3 Tbsp. of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and 1 Tbsp. of McCormick Perfect Pinch Seasonings. There are a variety of flavors to choose from. Just blend, and get to dipping warm slices of french bread into this luscious seasoned olive oil! Yum! And it goes great with the meatball rotini.
Well, I should probably go down and help the hubby as he slaves over the garage sale we are attempting to execute. And then, it's off to work for me where I will be gathering tidbits of advice, recipes, and hopefully some hilarious Wal Mart stories to share with you later. As Tigger The Tiger so eloquently put it, "Ta Ta for now! Cept my tails not too springy anymore....... =)
For starters, I would like to share with you the recipe that I referred to in my last blog, remember, the one with the rice and the VEGGIES that grown, muscle bound men refused to eat? Well, it was delicious and housewives everywhere are going to thank me for the recipe! So, here goes!
Mexican Rice With Bouillon (don't know why they call it "mexican", doesn't seem mexican to me, but what do I know?)
1 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 1/2 cups of Instant or Raw Rice
3 Cups of Water
1 Tbsp. Chicken Bouillon Granules
1 1/2 Cup Frozen Peas and Carrots
Heat olive oil in a large sauce pot over heat and cook rice about 2 minutes or until a golden brown, stirring often. Add water and bouillon and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered about 20 minutes or until rice is tender (if you are using instant rice, the cooking time will be shorter) Add frozen vegetables during the last 5 minutes. Remove from heat and fluff with a fork and you are all done!
If you are feeling especially "international," scramble up some eggs and toss with the rice. Throw in some diced ham and a little soy sauce, and, VOILA! You be gettin' yo' chinese on!!
Yesterday, I cooked up some "Tomato Basil Meatball Rotini." One fella came by and asked what I was serving. I very plainly and distinctly told him "pasta with MEATballs." He eyed it, pointed at it and asked, "Does it have meat?" I just looked at him, toothpick in hand and picked out one of the MEATballs and held it up in front of his face. What does one do in a case like this? Sheesh! The recipe for this heavenly dish is as follows.
Tomato Basil MEATBALL Rotini
1/2 bag, approximately 32 frozen, italian style meatballs
2 Cups of Quick Cook Penne Pasta (yes, I said quick cook! It cooks in like 3 minutes! Every woman's dream!)
1 Cup of any brand Spaghetti Sauce
1 Cup of Water
2 Cups of Pictsweet Seasoning Blend (you can find this in the frozen vegetables section)
1 Container of Philadelphia Cooking Cream, Tomato Basil (this will be by the cream cheese)
Preheat an electric skillet to 350 degrees. Add the meatballs, the pasta, spaghetti sauce and water. Top with the 2 cups of frozen seasoning blend and cover. Cook for about 10 minutes, stirring at least every 5 minutes. Add the whole container of the Philadelphia Cooking Cream and stir. Reduce temperature to 200 degrees and let simmer, stirring continuously. When heated through, SERVE! It is very easy and very delicious! Enjoy!
I also served up some warm french bread with a dipping sauce. The sauce consisted of 3 Tbsp. of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and 1 Tbsp. of McCormick Perfect Pinch Seasonings. There are a variety of flavors to choose from. Just blend, and get to dipping warm slices of french bread into this luscious seasoned olive oil! Yum! And it goes great with the meatball rotini.
Well, I should probably go down and help the hubby as he slaves over the garage sale we are attempting to execute. And then, it's off to work for me where I will be gathering tidbits of advice, recipes, and hopefully some hilarious Wal Mart stories to share with you later. As Tigger The Tiger so eloquently put it, "Ta Ta for now! Cept my tails not too springy anymore....... =)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Eat Your Veggies!
As I am setting up my cart at work today I observe something that I had yet to really ponder. It is this fact. The produce and meat department are directly in front of me. The bakery and deli which serves up such delicacies as corn dogs, pizza and chicken nuggets, are behind me. The bakery tantalizes the observer with garlic, cheese and cinnamon breads, cakes, pies and cookies as well as your typical, deliciously processed snacks such as Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Ho Ho's! Which explains why me "back" is so much larger than my "front"......I 'm sorry, I digress. Have you ever pondered the names of those luscious bites of heaven on your tongue? They say you are what you eat, but come on, do we really want to be called a "Twinkie or a Ding Dong? And my hubby just might rearrange your face if I were ever referred to as a "Ho Ho!"
I giggle as I ponder this. Directly in front of me are the fresh meats along with ripe, juicy tomatoes and a large variety of other fruits and vegetables as well as prepackaged salads and snack packs with baby carrots and celery for dipping. Directly behind the produce department is the vitamin aisle. This whole area is dedicated to HEALTH! It is then that I turn to see what other departments hug the bakery directly behind me. It was the floral department! Right there by the exit. Why would there be flowers right alongside the bakery and the deli I ponder? I came to this sad conclusion............IT"S BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE SOON IF YOU EAT ALL THAT JUNK!! Sam Walton was nothing if not a genius of a Marketer!
Wal Mart is a well oiled machine. I watch daily as the masses march through as mindless ants, filling their carts with a lot of things they really don't need. And, as ants are, they are on a hunt for sugar! Hey, I'm not knocking it, I do it all the time! I am a Wal Mart junkie and shoot, I am the QUEEN ant.
The people of Wal Mart are very curious creatures indeed. I am unsure as to why this place attracts people similar to those you would find in a traveling circus......it just does.
There was the one lady who was not interested in my dentastix (a snack that dogs chew to clean their teeth), but was rather more interested in explaining, in great detail, her entire Irish lineage dating back to the 1700's. Or the old fella who stood for at least twenty minutes and talked, without so much as taking a breath about Government conspiracies. I have no clue what that had to do with yogurt, but it broke up the monotony of the day.
Today, I am pushing (don't freak out, I'm only pushing veggies) a delicious side dish of rice, peas and carrots. Quite delicious if I may say so myself. A big nice looking muscular young man approached my cart to snoop out whatever it was that I was dealing. When he saw the little green and orange of the nice, healthy veggies peeking from a bed of rice, he turned his nose up in disgust and walked on by. As he passed, I read the back of his t-shirt. It said, Body Building.com.
I wanted to scream at him, "Dude! You need to eat your veggies!" But I was too late, he was already headed for the chips.
So, the moral of my story is..........EAT YOUR VEGGIES!! I do not want to be buying any flowers for you anytime soon...........unless it's just because you are so sweet of course. =)
I giggle as I ponder this. Directly in front of me are the fresh meats along with ripe, juicy tomatoes and a large variety of other fruits and vegetables as well as prepackaged salads and snack packs with baby carrots and celery for dipping. Directly behind the produce department is the vitamin aisle. This whole area is dedicated to HEALTH! It is then that I turn to see what other departments hug the bakery directly behind me. It was the floral department! Right there by the exit. Why would there be flowers right alongside the bakery and the deli I ponder? I came to this sad conclusion............IT"S BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE SOON IF YOU EAT ALL THAT JUNK!! Sam Walton was nothing if not a genius of a Marketer!
Wal Mart is a well oiled machine. I watch daily as the masses march through as mindless ants, filling their carts with a lot of things they really don't need. And, as ants are, they are on a hunt for sugar! Hey, I'm not knocking it, I do it all the time! I am a Wal Mart junkie and shoot, I am the QUEEN ant.
The people of Wal Mart are very curious creatures indeed. I am unsure as to why this place attracts people similar to those you would find in a traveling circus......it just does.
There was the one lady who was not interested in my dentastix (a snack that dogs chew to clean their teeth), but was rather more interested in explaining, in great detail, her entire Irish lineage dating back to the 1700's. Or the old fella who stood for at least twenty minutes and talked, without so much as taking a breath about Government conspiracies. I have no clue what that had to do with yogurt, but it broke up the monotony of the day.
Today, I am pushing (don't freak out, I'm only pushing veggies) a delicious side dish of rice, peas and carrots. Quite delicious if I may say so myself. A big nice looking muscular young man approached my cart to snoop out whatever it was that I was dealing. When he saw the little green and orange of the nice, healthy veggies peeking from a bed of rice, he turned his nose up in disgust and walked on by. As he passed, I read the back of his t-shirt. It said, Body Building.com.
I wanted to scream at him, "Dude! You need to eat your veggies!" But I was too late, he was already headed for the chips.
So, the moral of my story is..........EAT YOUR VEGGIES!! I do not want to be buying any flowers for you anytime soon...........unless it's just because you are so sweet of course. =)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Attention Wal Mart Shoppers!
Today, I don my white button down shirt, black skirt, black flats with black socks, orange apron, orange ball cap and name tag with my name clearly printed on it in black permanent marker. I am a simple woman, pleased by the simple things in life. I am driven, I have a purpose. What is that purpose you ask? To wow the general public with hair and skin products, pet supplies and the latest foods and snacks.
The view thru the sneeze guard of my sample cart can be quite interesting and downright hilarious at times as I observe the behaviors and antics of your everyday, normal Americans. Well, "normal" may be a stretch for some among us, but, you get my drift.
I also have a LOT, yes, a LOT of time to ponder the finer points of life, especially when marketing something that most people couldn't give a flip about, such as cat litter, dental floss or some weird, newfangled energy drink. During these special moments God and I talk. In my mind of course, I wouldn't want my fellow employees to think I am as loony as most of the Wal Mart shoppers I encounter on a daily basis. During our discussions I find myself enlightened as revelations of life and of those who live it right along beside me are revealed.
At times my observations are very sad, sobering, curious, or, at times, downright hilarious. I will often grab my pen and pad from my handy dandy apron pocket and jot down my thoughts.
The sign above my cart reads, "Bright Ideas." I hope to share some of those ideas with you in the following blogs. I pray that they are ideas and concepts that make you laugh until you snort, cry until your nose runs or think until your brain hurts. Regardless, I want them to impact your life in some way. This job HAS to be good for SOMETHING, right?
"Attention Wal Mart shoppers, listen to the sample lady!"
The view thru the sneeze guard of my sample cart can be quite interesting and downright hilarious at times as I observe the behaviors and antics of your everyday, normal Americans. Well, "normal" may be a stretch for some among us, but, you get my drift.
I also have a LOT, yes, a LOT of time to ponder the finer points of life, especially when marketing something that most people couldn't give a flip about, such as cat litter, dental floss or some weird, newfangled energy drink. During these special moments God and I talk. In my mind of course, I wouldn't want my fellow employees to think I am as loony as most of the Wal Mart shoppers I encounter on a daily basis. During our discussions I find myself enlightened as revelations of life and of those who live it right along beside me are revealed.
At times my observations are very sad, sobering, curious, or, at times, downright hilarious. I will often grab my pen and pad from my handy dandy apron pocket and jot down my thoughts.
The sign above my cart reads, "Bright Ideas." I hope to share some of those ideas with you in the following blogs. I pray that they are ideas and concepts that make you laugh until you snort, cry until your nose runs or think until your brain hurts. Regardless, I want them to impact your life in some way. This job HAS to be good for SOMETHING, right?
"Attention Wal Mart shoppers, listen to the sample lady!"
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