My babygirl is going to have a babygirl!! How is that possible I ask you? No, don't say it, I KNOW how, but really, how could that be??? It seems just yesterday that I held a screaming, blotchy, scrawny little girl in my arms who had really corny looking hair..............and we named her "Kendra."
But alas, tis true........my little girl, Kendra, is going to be a mother. What does that say for her? That she is a lovely young woman coming of age..........what does it say of me?..........THAT I'M STINKING OLD! There! I said it! I'm old and I don't care, that's right. I have accepted the fact that my thighs rub together, I have grown somewhat of a beard, and that certain parts that the good Lord put in certain places have........shall we say......shifted slightly.
The other day while Kendra and I chatted on the phone she began to ask me certain things about my labor and childbirth experiences with she and her two siblings. As Dorothy, caught up in a Tornado, my mind was transported to 1983 when Zachary, my firstborn, came into this world.........and no, I wasn't in Kansas anymore.
It was June, 1983. I lay in a skinny bed in a labor room at Memorial North Hospital, Modesto California. My husband, Tim, stood watching the monitor which printed, on paper, the peaks and dips of each contraction. Dressed in blue paper scrubs with a white mask covering his mouth and nose, he coached from the sidelines. At one point after a particularly strong contraction, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "That one wasn't bad at all." I wanted to scream at him that HE should try pushing something akin to a canned ham through the neck of a Pepsi bottle and then and only then could he judge when it was bad and when it wasn't!" I wisely kept my counsel to myself.
And then, the pains were coming one on top of another and it was time to push. I distinctly recall my head coming up off the pillow as I attempted to concentrate and do my breathing. There, at the foot of my bed were my husband, my mother in law and my mom.....huddled together, looking at me, all of them doing my breathing along with me. Heads bobbing with the rhythem, they looked like something from a Three Stooges movie. Had both of my knees not been firmly planted on my shoulders, I would have pulled a "Moe" and slapped them ALL up the side of the head.
And then, finally, I held my beloved firstborn, a son, in my arms. He had the most perfect cone head that I had ever seen. His position while lying is my womb was one that caused his cone of a head to rest ever so lightly upon his left shoulder. The doctors told us that the muscles and ligaments on the left side of his neck were shorter than those on the right, but that with time they would stretch and he would be fine. I had nightmares of him viewing the world from an angle for the rest of his life........receiving his diploma, head on his shoulder, posing for family portraits with him placed strategically to capture his "better side," images of him repeating his wedding vows, head on shoulder.........on and on the nightmarish images went, but, alas, all was well and his head now rests upright.
"Did you breast feed?" Kendra asks. "Are you kidding?!" I all but scream my answer. "After hours of having my nether regions stretched to the four corners of the room and snapped back abruptly there was no way I was going to allow a very short, bald person to nom nom on my tata's!" No way, not me! God made those rubber nipples for a purpose! To save mine! Kendra then went on to ask if I had anything to help with the pain of labor. At this, I had a vision of myself standing atop a majestic cliff, naked, my wild, fiery red hair blowing in the wind. I raise my hands above my head, and my chin to the sky as I yell, "I am woman!!" at the top of my lungs, for NO, I had three children with not one epidural. And for that, pride burns in my chest.
Of course, hindsight is twenty twenty, and I instruct Kendra.............TAKE THE EPIDURAL!!
How else do I instruct my precious daughter in the ways of motherhood? It is all trial and error, pride and joy, and yes, at times, heartache and disappointment. But all in all, I wouldn't trade my babies with their corny hair, cone and lopsided heads for all the money in the world! So you go girl! Have that baby and let her Mimi revel in the knowledge that I get to love and spoil her minus the contractions, stretching, bags and sags, and I get to return her to her parents while I lay snug as a bug in a rug anticipating the next time I get to sniff her lotiony head. :)
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
People Ask The Dumbest Questions!
I have worked as an Events Specialist at Wal Mart for over six months now. Overall, I enjoy my job. One of the benefits of standing behind a cart all day is the opportunity to "people watch." People wear the funniest things, walk funny, act funny, and they can ask the funniest questions.
One observation that I have made is that my hispanic customers are extremely kind and polite, as well as their children. On the other hand, a LOT of my caucasian customers are just straight up rude, and I might add, downright dumb!
For instance, one particular day I was marketing contact solution. My cart was covered with signage as well as a display of the solution and pamphlets to further inform the customers as to the benefits of using this particular product. As I had no actual samples of the contact solution to handout, my company instructed me to hand out samples of Andes mints to people as I promoted the contact solution. I kid you not, a man walked up to the cart and I handed him one of the chocolates. He took the chocolate, looked at the signs and the product on my cart, pointed to the chocolate and asked "what is this?" I answered, "It's a piece of chocolate." He said, "Is it for your eyes?" I said, "No, it's just a sample of chocolate." He said, "Oh, if I eat it is it good for my eyes?" As he asked this he held an Andes mint up to his eye, I kid you not. In shock I responded, "No sir, it's just chocolate and it's not good for your eyes. In fact, it is not good for you at all." Confused, he walked away.
For several weeks I grilled steaks to promote a new grade of beef that Wal Mart is carrying. My company provided me with a George Foreman type grill which came with a small container to sit next to the grill to catch the grease and drippings from the steaks. I gave one particular man a sample of steak. He took it, pointed to the grease catcher and asked "Is that salsa?" Another man took his half inch square bite of steak and asked if I had any salt and pepper.
This past weekend was particularly interesting, must have been a full moon. On Friday I baked a spiral sliced ham and gave out delicious morsels all day long. An elderly man came rolling buy in his motorized scooter and sat watching me as I served the customers. A man came up and asked for a piece of ham which I happily gave him. The old guy in the scooter says to the man, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. God told us not to eat pork, it's unclean." To my surprise, the man eating his ham replied, "No, He told the Jews not to eat pork, and I'm a mexican!" Hahahahaha!! I wanted to fall out laughing!
On Saturday, It was my job to serve Starbuck's coffee, a new flavor of International Delight coffee creamer, as well as slices of Wal Mart bakery cakes. I had a woman walk up to my cart, read all of the signs, look at the coffee creamer that I had displayed on my cart, and then, she sees the cake that I am slicing and she appears as though a light bulb had just lit up in her head. She pointed to the cake and asks, "Oh, so that cake was made with this?" and she points at the coffee creamer. "No, that's coffee creamer" I answer. Confused, she walks away. Apparently the "lightbulb" had been somewhat dim. On that same day I have a woman walk up to my cart and ask, "Excuse me. Do you work in this store?" I looked at her, totally confused and said, "Pardon me?" She repeated, "Do you work in THIS store?" I looked around me very slowly, taking in my surroundings, looked at my cart, and then looked down at myself, my orange apron with Wal Mart inscribed upon it and my name tag, looked back at her and said "Yes ma'am, it would appear as though I do in fact work in this store."
From time to time I fantasize about running down the aisles of my friendly Wal Mart, ripping off my clothes in a hysterical, insane frenzy, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'm surrounded by idiots!" But alas, I do not give in to that fantasy, if only for the mental health and well being of onlookers. I try to remind myself that I, yes, even I have asked some pretty stupid questions in my day. For instance, when I was a young child I asked my mother what my forehead was for? She looked at me, exasperated, and answered, "To hold your brain in Shawnacee." I am ever so grateful to actually have a brain for my forehead to hold intact...........unlike some Wal Mart shoppers. ;)
One observation that I have made is that my hispanic customers are extremely kind and polite, as well as their children. On the other hand, a LOT of my caucasian customers are just straight up rude, and I might add, downright dumb!
For instance, one particular day I was marketing contact solution. My cart was covered with signage as well as a display of the solution and pamphlets to further inform the customers as to the benefits of using this particular product. As I had no actual samples of the contact solution to handout, my company instructed me to hand out samples of Andes mints to people as I promoted the contact solution. I kid you not, a man walked up to the cart and I handed him one of the chocolates. He took the chocolate, looked at the signs and the product on my cart, pointed to the chocolate and asked "what is this?" I answered, "It's a piece of chocolate." He said, "Is it for your eyes?" I said, "No, it's just a sample of chocolate." He said, "Oh, if I eat it is it good for my eyes?" As he asked this he held an Andes mint up to his eye, I kid you not. In shock I responded, "No sir, it's just chocolate and it's not good for your eyes. In fact, it is not good for you at all." Confused, he walked away.
For several weeks I grilled steaks to promote a new grade of beef that Wal Mart is carrying. My company provided me with a George Foreman type grill which came with a small container to sit next to the grill to catch the grease and drippings from the steaks. I gave one particular man a sample of steak. He took it, pointed to the grease catcher and asked "Is that salsa?" Another man took his half inch square bite of steak and asked if I had any salt and pepper.
This past weekend was particularly interesting, must have been a full moon. On Friday I baked a spiral sliced ham and gave out delicious morsels all day long. An elderly man came rolling buy in his motorized scooter and sat watching me as I served the customers. A man came up and asked for a piece of ham which I happily gave him. The old guy in the scooter says to the man, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. God told us not to eat pork, it's unclean." To my surprise, the man eating his ham replied, "No, He told the Jews not to eat pork, and I'm a mexican!" Hahahahaha!! I wanted to fall out laughing!
On Saturday, It was my job to serve Starbuck's coffee, a new flavor of International Delight coffee creamer, as well as slices of Wal Mart bakery cakes. I had a woman walk up to my cart, read all of the signs, look at the coffee creamer that I had displayed on my cart, and then, she sees the cake that I am slicing and she appears as though a light bulb had just lit up in her head. She pointed to the cake and asks, "Oh, so that cake was made with this?" and she points at the coffee creamer. "No, that's coffee creamer" I answer. Confused, she walks away. Apparently the "lightbulb" had been somewhat dim. On that same day I have a woman walk up to my cart and ask, "Excuse me. Do you work in this store?" I looked at her, totally confused and said, "Pardon me?" She repeated, "Do you work in THIS store?" I looked around me very slowly, taking in my surroundings, looked at my cart, and then looked down at myself, my orange apron with Wal Mart inscribed upon it and my name tag, looked back at her and said "Yes ma'am, it would appear as though I do in fact work in this store."
From time to time I fantasize about running down the aisles of my friendly Wal Mart, ripping off my clothes in a hysterical, insane frenzy, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'm surrounded by idiots!" But alas, I do not give in to that fantasy, if only for the mental health and well being of onlookers. I try to remind myself that I, yes, even I have asked some pretty stupid questions in my day. For instance, when I was a young child I asked my mother what my forehead was for? She looked at me, exasperated, and answered, "To hold your brain in Shawnacee." I am ever so grateful to actually have a brain for my forehead to hold intact...........unlike some Wal Mart shoppers. ;)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Since When Are The Children Making Choices?
In my incredibly, high powered, prestigious job as a sample lady at Wal Mart, it is my duty to provide products to customers for sampling. I stand there looking quite lovely in orange, smiling, pretending to be Vana White, enticing people to approach my cart. Of course, the choice is totally there's as to whether or not they will sample. I had one grown man last week stand at my cart taking sample after sample, stuffing his face. "Dude! This is a sample cart not a buffet!" I wanted to shout at him as his hand reached for yet ANOTHER power bar. If I had been able to set my Holy Ghost aside, climb over that cart in an even remotely ladylike manner and pinch this guys head off I would have. Fortunately, for all involved, my Holy Ghost stayed firmly in tact. It is incumbent upon my customers to make their own CHOICE as to whether or not they want what I am offering on any given day.
This leads me to my current "rant and rave." I have encountered a new phenomenon in our movement. There are Holy Ghost filled, tongue talking believers out there who are giving there children the choice of whether or not to attend church with them! You may be thinking to yourself, "Shawnacee, you must be speaking of children over the age of eighteen, or young adults who are still living at home? Right" WRONG!! No, I am speaking of elementary aged children and very young teens!! Several individuals who adhere to this newfangled way of raising their children are very faithful to the house of God themselves, yet their children are given a choice as to whether they would like to attend church with their parents that day or evening. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess what decision these children are going to make. Of course they are going to want to sleep in and play instead of going to church! Their kids for crying out loud, they do not have the wisdom or the life experiences to make wise choices, that's why they have been given parents. Too often here of late I see families where the children act as the adults and the parents as the children. As my children's father use to say, "the inmates are running the asylum!"
I am breathing heavily with anger and frustration over this. I have one question mom and dad. When your children are driving cars and sneaking out of windows to meet up with the opposite sex, or sneaking behind the gym at school to do drugs and smoke will you still be giving them a choice regarding church? Let me clue you in on something.........if they don't wanna go now, they sure as heck (is that a cuss word?) won't want to go then!
I don't claim to be the mother of the decade, I have, do and will make mistakes in the raising of my children just as all parents do from time to time, but this is beyond the pale! If the government or evil forces limited who could attend church from our home, with only one person allowed to go it would be my daughter Haley. I would sacrifice my own soul for hers, it is absolutely VITAL that she be saved! I don't get it.
Oh don't worry, my children had choices........they chose whether or not to go to church willingly or under threat of death. Also, they chose what they wore........they could wear modest, holy, conservative, or, if they didn't like that, they could sport a very fashionable hand print on their bare backsides.......pick one. They also had a choice in who they dated......christians from our church, or, a christian from a neighboring church of like faith. But when it came to their salvation..........until they became legally emancipated at the age of eighteen, I AND THEIR FATHER made that decision for them. The choice was Heaven or hell and Heaven won out every time.
I can honestly say that when I stand before God's holy throne on judgement day that I will be guiltless when it comes to the way that I raised our three precious children. They were taught to be faithful to the house of God, reverence Him, have complete and utter faith in Him and that His word is infallible! If they choose as adults to to reject those teachings, they are free to do so. They KNOW the correct path.
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Mom or dad, I beg you, GET A CLUE before your precious little ones are clued in to the enticing, destructive, pleasures of sin for a season. For surely, there will be a day when they cannot make a choice regarding their eternities. Let them choose the flavor of ice cream they want, but please, not their souls!
And now, as I try to catch my breath and calm my nerves after having practically beaten this keyboard into fragments, I think I will go take a Benadryl or something and try to relax.
This leads me to my current "rant and rave." I have encountered a new phenomenon in our movement. There are Holy Ghost filled, tongue talking believers out there who are giving there children the choice of whether or not to attend church with them! You may be thinking to yourself, "Shawnacee, you must be speaking of children over the age of eighteen, or young adults who are still living at home? Right" WRONG!! No, I am speaking of elementary aged children and very young teens!! Several individuals who adhere to this newfangled way of raising their children are very faithful to the house of God themselves, yet their children are given a choice as to whether they would like to attend church with their parents that day or evening. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess what decision these children are going to make. Of course they are going to want to sleep in and play instead of going to church! Their kids for crying out loud, they do not have the wisdom or the life experiences to make wise choices, that's why they have been given parents. Too often here of late I see families where the children act as the adults and the parents as the children. As my children's father use to say, "the inmates are running the asylum!"
I am breathing heavily with anger and frustration over this. I have one question mom and dad. When your children are driving cars and sneaking out of windows to meet up with the opposite sex, or sneaking behind the gym at school to do drugs and smoke will you still be giving them a choice regarding church? Let me clue you in on something.........if they don't wanna go now, they sure as heck (is that a cuss word?) won't want to go then!
I don't claim to be the mother of the decade, I have, do and will make mistakes in the raising of my children just as all parents do from time to time, but this is beyond the pale! If the government or evil forces limited who could attend church from our home, with only one person allowed to go it would be my daughter Haley. I would sacrifice my own soul for hers, it is absolutely VITAL that she be saved! I don't get it.
Oh don't worry, my children had choices........they chose whether or not to go to church willingly or under threat of death. Also, they chose what they wore........they could wear modest, holy, conservative, or, if they didn't like that, they could sport a very fashionable hand print on their bare backsides.......pick one. They also had a choice in who they dated......christians from our church, or, a christian from a neighboring church of like faith. But when it came to their salvation..........until they became legally emancipated at the age of eighteen, I AND THEIR FATHER made that decision for them. The choice was Heaven or hell and Heaven won out every time.
I can honestly say that when I stand before God's holy throne on judgement day that I will be guiltless when it comes to the way that I raised our three precious children. They were taught to be faithful to the house of God, reverence Him, have complete and utter faith in Him and that His word is infallible! If they choose as adults to to reject those teachings, they are free to do so. They KNOW the correct path.
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Mom or dad, I beg you, GET A CLUE before your precious little ones are clued in to the enticing, destructive, pleasures of sin for a season. For surely, there will be a day when they cannot make a choice regarding their eternities. Let them choose the flavor of ice cream they want, but please, not their souls!
And now, as I try to catch my breath and calm my nerves after having practically beaten this keyboard into fragments, I think I will go take a Benadryl or something and try to relax.
Monday, December 5, 2011
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!.........Well La Dee Flippin' Da!
For my blog followers I have been painfully absent from my keyboard since October 31st due to a self induced food coma. I have seriously been up to my ear lobes in tasty holiday treats. It all started with Halloween. I KNEW that day was evil, but oh my Lord is it ever tasty. No Tootsie Rolls, Smarties and hard candies for this mom! No sirree! It's all Butterfinger, Almond Joy, Snickers, Kit Kat and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups when you knock on our door!
And then comes Thanksgiving. Its an absolute must that I make my world famous turkey and dressing, broccoli slaw, popcorn balls, cheese ball and, of course, my hash brown casserole that lays the entire family out into a spiritual trance it is so darn good! And God has blessed me with a husband who can straight up cook as well. He makes the most incredibe magic cookie bars that never fail to send ME into a sugar euphoria. So, there you have it. Death by delicious goodness. I promise you my size eight skirts call out to me daily as I pass by my closet. They cry pitifully, "Shawnacee! Remember us? Do you remember how close we once were? Come to us! Wear us!" I don't have the heart to tell them that they are part of a love triangle between they, myself, and a cheese ball. And the cheese ball is winning by a long shot.
And so, now, here we are staring Christmas in the face. I have already begun to dig out the old family favorite recipes and I promise I got bloated just reading them. And then, of course, I drug a folding chair out to the garage and pulled down all of the Christmas decorations. Oh joy, joy, yippee yee haw. Am I a terrible person that I no longer care if all of the wise men are facing the proper direction in the nativity scene, or that the angel topping the tree is missing an eyeball and her wings are listing dangerously to the left? Am I a total scrooge if I don't give a rip whether or not the wrapping paper coordinates with the ornaments on the tree or whether or not the ornaments blend with the color and decor of my living room? Oh dear Lord I really have lost it, for most of my current ornaments came from the dollar store!! Back in the day, this lady would have NEVER stooped to that! Christmas was SACRED!! What has happened pray tell? I'll tell you what has happened........all my kiddies are grown and Christmas no longer holds that magical allure for me it once did.
Add to this the fact that I have inherited three wonderful younger stepdaughters, ages fourteen, twelve and ten. Paul and I asked the girls to write a short (we emphasized short) list of some things they would want for Christmas. I was dismayed as Noelle, our ten year old stated emphatically that she wanted a giant gummy bear. I am serious, this thing really exists. It is like nine inches tall and about four inches thick. She is determined that this is what she wants. My oldest stepdaughter's list read something like this; Laptop, strobe lights and a Lamborghini with flames............I'm not kidding. Dear Lord take me back to Barbie and Ken and their townhouse!! Oh well, times have changed I guess, as my own daughter has proclaimed that she wants..............wait for it.......... A MAN!
This mother is done! Done I tell you with fighting the sweating, frothing at the mouth masses as they fight over the latest video game or technological wonder!! Take me back to the good old days when stockings were filled with oranges, an assortment of nuts and candy canes and you felt like the king of the world if you had one gift such as a new pair of skates or a stereo. Oh well, I have completed my venting over this modern day materialistic holiday. Come Christmas eve the nativity scene will be perfect, resting delicately upon the loose hay that I will scatter beneath it. The old gals eyeball will be hot glued back into place and her wings realigned. And me, I will be all warm and cozy in my spongebob Snuggie, gazing upon my dollar store Christmas tree in awe, sipping on some hot cider and stuffing my face with cheese ball, coming up for air only to kiss my love dove. Oh yeah, Christmas still does it for me.
Below, you will find some of my treasured, family favorite holiday recipes, including that evil cheese ball! ;)
Rock Your World and Expand Your Waistline Cheese Ball!
8 ounces of cream cheese, soft
8 ounces of shredded cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoon of dry onion soup mix
1 teaspoon lemon juice
2 to 3 dashes of garlic powder
chopped walnuts
Combine cream cheese and cheddar cheese with hands until blended. Add the rest of the ingredients except for the walnuts and blend well. Form into a ball and roll in walnuts, pressing the walnuts slightly into the cheese ball. Wrap in foil or saran wrap and chill. Serve with Ritz crackers and be transported to a heavenly place!
The Most Delicious Bread Pudding To Ever Grace Your Tongue!
2 cups of milk
1/4 cup of butter
1/3 cup of brown sugar
3 eggs
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg
1 teaspoon of vanilla
3 cups of french bread torn into pieces
1/2 cup of raisins
In a medium saucepan, heat milk over medium heat until film forms. Add butter and stir until melted. Cool to a lukewarm temperature. Blend the eggs, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla and add to the milk mixture. Place bread in a lightly greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Sprinkle with raisins and then pour batter over bread and raisins. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes. Bread pudding sauce recipe below.
Sauce
1 cup of whole milk
2 Tablespoons of butter
1/3 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 Tablespoon of flour
dash of salt
Mix all ingredients and bring to a boil for 3 to 4 minutes stirring constantly. Set aside for 5 minutes, then pour over pudding.
And then comes Thanksgiving. Its an absolute must that I make my world famous turkey and dressing, broccoli slaw, popcorn balls, cheese ball and, of course, my hash brown casserole that lays the entire family out into a spiritual trance it is so darn good! And God has blessed me with a husband who can straight up cook as well. He makes the most incredibe magic cookie bars that never fail to send ME into a sugar euphoria. So, there you have it. Death by delicious goodness. I promise you my size eight skirts call out to me daily as I pass by my closet. They cry pitifully, "Shawnacee! Remember us? Do you remember how close we once were? Come to us! Wear us!" I don't have the heart to tell them that they are part of a love triangle between they, myself, and a cheese ball. And the cheese ball is winning by a long shot.
And so, now, here we are staring Christmas in the face. I have already begun to dig out the old family favorite recipes and I promise I got bloated just reading them. And then, of course, I drug a folding chair out to the garage and pulled down all of the Christmas decorations. Oh joy, joy, yippee yee haw. Am I a terrible person that I no longer care if all of the wise men are facing the proper direction in the nativity scene, or that the angel topping the tree is missing an eyeball and her wings are listing dangerously to the left? Am I a total scrooge if I don't give a rip whether or not the wrapping paper coordinates with the ornaments on the tree or whether or not the ornaments blend with the color and decor of my living room? Oh dear Lord I really have lost it, for most of my current ornaments came from the dollar store!! Back in the day, this lady would have NEVER stooped to that! Christmas was SACRED!! What has happened pray tell? I'll tell you what has happened........all my kiddies are grown and Christmas no longer holds that magical allure for me it once did.
Add to this the fact that I have inherited three wonderful younger stepdaughters, ages fourteen, twelve and ten. Paul and I asked the girls to write a short (we emphasized short) list of some things they would want for Christmas. I was dismayed as Noelle, our ten year old stated emphatically that she wanted a giant gummy bear. I am serious, this thing really exists. It is like nine inches tall and about four inches thick. She is determined that this is what she wants. My oldest stepdaughter's list read something like this; Laptop, strobe lights and a Lamborghini with flames............I'm not kidding. Dear Lord take me back to Barbie and Ken and their townhouse!! Oh well, times have changed I guess, as my own daughter has proclaimed that she wants..............wait for it.......... A MAN!
This mother is done! Done I tell you with fighting the sweating, frothing at the mouth masses as they fight over the latest video game or technological wonder!! Take me back to the good old days when stockings were filled with oranges, an assortment of nuts and candy canes and you felt like the king of the world if you had one gift such as a new pair of skates or a stereo. Oh well, I have completed my venting over this modern day materialistic holiday. Come Christmas eve the nativity scene will be perfect, resting delicately upon the loose hay that I will scatter beneath it. The old gals eyeball will be hot glued back into place and her wings realigned. And me, I will be all warm and cozy in my spongebob Snuggie, gazing upon my dollar store Christmas tree in awe, sipping on some hot cider and stuffing my face with cheese ball, coming up for air only to kiss my love dove. Oh yeah, Christmas still does it for me.
Below, you will find some of my treasured, family favorite holiday recipes, including that evil cheese ball! ;)
Rock Your World and Expand Your Waistline Cheese Ball!
8 ounces of cream cheese, soft
8 ounces of shredded cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoon of dry onion soup mix
1 teaspoon lemon juice
2 to 3 dashes of garlic powder
chopped walnuts
Combine cream cheese and cheddar cheese with hands until blended. Add the rest of the ingredients except for the walnuts and blend well. Form into a ball and roll in walnuts, pressing the walnuts slightly into the cheese ball. Wrap in foil or saran wrap and chill. Serve with Ritz crackers and be transported to a heavenly place!
The Most Delicious Bread Pudding To Ever Grace Your Tongue!
2 cups of milk
1/4 cup of butter
1/3 cup of brown sugar
3 eggs
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg
1 teaspoon of vanilla
3 cups of french bread torn into pieces
1/2 cup of raisins
In a medium saucepan, heat milk over medium heat until film forms. Add butter and stir until melted. Cool to a lukewarm temperature. Blend the eggs, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla and add to the milk mixture. Place bread in a lightly greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Sprinkle with raisins and then pour batter over bread and raisins. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes. Bread pudding sauce recipe below.
Sauce
1 cup of whole milk
2 Tablespoons of butter
1/3 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 Tablespoon of flour
dash of salt
Mix all ingredients and bring to a boil for 3 to 4 minutes stirring constantly. Set aside for 5 minutes, then pour over pudding.
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