My babygirl is going to have a babygirl!! How is that possible I ask you? No, don't say it, I KNOW how, but really, how could that be??? It seems just yesterday that I held a screaming, blotchy, scrawny little girl in my arms who had really corny looking hair..............and we named her "Kendra."
But alas, tis true........my little girl, Kendra, is going to be a mother. What does that say for her? That she is a lovely young woman coming of age..........what does it say of me?..........THAT I'M STINKING OLD! There! I said it! I'm old and I don't care, that's right. I have accepted the fact that my thighs rub together, I have grown somewhat of a beard, and that certain parts that the good Lord put in certain places have........shall we say......shifted slightly.
The other day while Kendra and I chatted on the phone she began to ask me certain things about my labor and childbirth experiences with she and her two siblings. As Dorothy, caught up in a Tornado, my mind was transported to 1983 when Zachary, my firstborn, came into this world.........and no, I wasn't in Kansas anymore.
It was June, 1983. I lay in a skinny bed in a labor room at Memorial North Hospital, Modesto California. My husband, Tim, stood watching the monitor which printed, on paper, the peaks and dips of each contraction. Dressed in blue paper scrubs with a white mask covering his mouth and nose, he coached from the sidelines. At one point after a particularly strong contraction, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "That one wasn't bad at all." I wanted to scream at him that HE should try pushing something akin to a canned ham through the neck of a Pepsi bottle and then and only then could he judge when it was bad and when it wasn't!" I wisely kept my counsel to myself.
And then, the pains were coming one on top of another and it was time to push. I distinctly recall my head coming up off the pillow as I attempted to concentrate and do my breathing. There, at the foot of my bed were my husband, my mother in law and my mom.....huddled together, looking at me, all of them doing my breathing along with me. Heads bobbing with the rhythem, they looked like something from a Three Stooges movie. Had both of my knees not been firmly planted on my shoulders, I would have pulled a "Moe" and slapped them ALL up the side of the head.
And then, finally, I held my beloved firstborn, a son, in my arms. He had the most perfect cone head that I had ever seen. His position while lying is my womb was one that caused his cone of a head to rest ever so lightly upon his left shoulder. The doctors told us that the muscles and ligaments on the left side of his neck were shorter than those on the right, but that with time they would stretch and he would be fine. I had nightmares of him viewing the world from an angle for the rest of his life........receiving his diploma, head on his shoulder, posing for family portraits with him placed strategically to capture his "better side," images of him repeating his wedding vows, head on shoulder.........on and on the nightmarish images went, but, alas, all was well and his head now rests upright.
"Did you breast feed?" Kendra asks. "Are you kidding?!" I all but scream my answer. "After hours of having my nether regions stretched to the four corners of the room and snapped back abruptly there was no way I was going to allow a very short, bald person to nom nom on my tata's!" No way, not me! God made those rubber nipples for a purpose! To save mine! Kendra then went on to ask if I had anything to help with the pain of labor. At this, I had a vision of myself standing atop a majestic cliff, naked, my wild, fiery red hair blowing in the wind. I raise my hands above my head, and my chin to the sky as I yell, "I am woman!!" at the top of my lungs, for NO, I had three children with not one epidural. And for that, pride burns in my chest.
Of course, hindsight is twenty twenty, and I instruct Kendra.............TAKE THE EPIDURAL!!
How else do I instruct my precious daughter in the ways of motherhood? It is all trial and error, pride and joy, and yes, at times, heartache and disappointment. But all in all, I wouldn't trade my babies with their corny hair, cone and lopsided heads for all the money in the world! So you go girl! Have that baby and let her Mimi revel in the knowledge that I get to love and spoil her minus the contractions, stretching, bags and sags, and I get to return her to her parents while I lay snug as a bug in a rug anticipating the next time I get to sniff her lotiony head. :)
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
People Ask The Dumbest Questions!
I have worked as an Events Specialist at Wal Mart for over six months now. Overall, I enjoy my job. One of the benefits of standing behind a cart all day is the opportunity to "people watch." People wear the funniest things, walk funny, act funny, and they can ask the funniest questions.
One observation that I have made is that my hispanic customers are extremely kind and polite, as well as their children. On the other hand, a LOT of my caucasian customers are just straight up rude, and I might add, downright dumb!
For instance, one particular day I was marketing contact solution. My cart was covered with signage as well as a display of the solution and pamphlets to further inform the customers as to the benefits of using this particular product. As I had no actual samples of the contact solution to handout, my company instructed me to hand out samples of Andes mints to people as I promoted the contact solution. I kid you not, a man walked up to the cart and I handed him one of the chocolates. He took the chocolate, looked at the signs and the product on my cart, pointed to the chocolate and asked "what is this?" I answered, "It's a piece of chocolate." He said, "Is it for your eyes?" I said, "No, it's just a sample of chocolate." He said, "Oh, if I eat it is it good for my eyes?" As he asked this he held an Andes mint up to his eye, I kid you not. In shock I responded, "No sir, it's just chocolate and it's not good for your eyes. In fact, it is not good for you at all." Confused, he walked away.
For several weeks I grilled steaks to promote a new grade of beef that Wal Mart is carrying. My company provided me with a George Foreman type grill which came with a small container to sit next to the grill to catch the grease and drippings from the steaks. I gave one particular man a sample of steak. He took it, pointed to the grease catcher and asked "Is that salsa?" Another man took his half inch square bite of steak and asked if I had any salt and pepper.
This past weekend was particularly interesting, must have been a full moon. On Friday I baked a spiral sliced ham and gave out delicious morsels all day long. An elderly man came rolling buy in his motorized scooter and sat watching me as I served the customers. A man came up and asked for a piece of ham which I happily gave him. The old guy in the scooter says to the man, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. God told us not to eat pork, it's unclean." To my surprise, the man eating his ham replied, "No, He told the Jews not to eat pork, and I'm a mexican!" Hahahahaha!! I wanted to fall out laughing!
On Saturday, It was my job to serve Starbuck's coffee, a new flavor of International Delight coffee creamer, as well as slices of Wal Mart bakery cakes. I had a woman walk up to my cart, read all of the signs, look at the coffee creamer that I had displayed on my cart, and then, she sees the cake that I am slicing and she appears as though a light bulb had just lit up in her head. She pointed to the cake and asks, "Oh, so that cake was made with this?" and she points at the coffee creamer. "No, that's coffee creamer" I answer. Confused, she walks away. Apparently the "lightbulb" had been somewhat dim. On that same day I have a woman walk up to my cart and ask, "Excuse me. Do you work in this store?" I looked at her, totally confused and said, "Pardon me?" She repeated, "Do you work in THIS store?" I looked around me very slowly, taking in my surroundings, looked at my cart, and then looked down at myself, my orange apron with Wal Mart inscribed upon it and my name tag, looked back at her and said "Yes ma'am, it would appear as though I do in fact work in this store."
From time to time I fantasize about running down the aisles of my friendly Wal Mart, ripping off my clothes in a hysterical, insane frenzy, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'm surrounded by idiots!" But alas, I do not give in to that fantasy, if only for the mental health and well being of onlookers. I try to remind myself that I, yes, even I have asked some pretty stupid questions in my day. For instance, when I was a young child I asked my mother what my forehead was for? She looked at me, exasperated, and answered, "To hold your brain in Shawnacee." I am ever so grateful to actually have a brain for my forehead to hold intact...........unlike some Wal Mart shoppers. ;)
One observation that I have made is that my hispanic customers are extremely kind and polite, as well as their children. On the other hand, a LOT of my caucasian customers are just straight up rude, and I might add, downright dumb!
For instance, one particular day I was marketing contact solution. My cart was covered with signage as well as a display of the solution and pamphlets to further inform the customers as to the benefits of using this particular product. As I had no actual samples of the contact solution to handout, my company instructed me to hand out samples of Andes mints to people as I promoted the contact solution. I kid you not, a man walked up to the cart and I handed him one of the chocolates. He took the chocolate, looked at the signs and the product on my cart, pointed to the chocolate and asked "what is this?" I answered, "It's a piece of chocolate." He said, "Is it for your eyes?" I said, "No, it's just a sample of chocolate." He said, "Oh, if I eat it is it good for my eyes?" As he asked this he held an Andes mint up to his eye, I kid you not. In shock I responded, "No sir, it's just chocolate and it's not good for your eyes. In fact, it is not good for you at all." Confused, he walked away.
For several weeks I grilled steaks to promote a new grade of beef that Wal Mart is carrying. My company provided me with a George Foreman type grill which came with a small container to sit next to the grill to catch the grease and drippings from the steaks. I gave one particular man a sample of steak. He took it, pointed to the grease catcher and asked "Is that salsa?" Another man took his half inch square bite of steak and asked if I had any salt and pepper.
This past weekend was particularly interesting, must have been a full moon. On Friday I baked a spiral sliced ham and gave out delicious morsels all day long. An elderly man came rolling buy in his motorized scooter and sat watching me as I served the customers. A man came up and asked for a piece of ham which I happily gave him. The old guy in the scooter says to the man, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. God told us not to eat pork, it's unclean." To my surprise, the man eating his ham replied, "No, He told the Jews not to eat pork, and I'm a mexican!" Hahahahaha!! I wanted to fall out laughing!
On Saturday, It was my job to serve Starbuck's coffee, a new flavor of International Delight coffee creamer, as well as slices of Wal Mart bakery cakes. I had a woman walk up to my cart, read all of the signs, look at the coffee creamer that I had displayed on my cart, and then, she sees the cake that I am slicing and she appears as though a light bulb had just lit up in her head. She pointed to the cake and asks, "Oh, so that cake was made with this?" and she points at the coffee creamer. "No, that's coffee creamer" I answer. Confused, she walks away. Apparently the "lightbulb" had been somewhat dim. On that same day I have a woman walk up to my cart and ask, "Excuse me. Do you work in this store?" I looked at her, totally confused and said, "Pardon me?" She repeated, "Do you work in THIS store?" I looked around me very slowly, taking in my surroundings, looked at my cart, and then looked down at myself, my orange apron with Wal Mart inscribed upon it and my name tag, looked back at her and said "Yes ma'am, it would appear as though I do in fact work in this store."
From time to time I fantasize about running down the aisles of my friendly Wal Mart, ripping off my clothes in a hysterical, insane frenzy, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'm surrounded by idiots!" But alas, I do not give in to that fantasy, if only for the mental health and well being of onlookers. I try to remind myself that I, yes, even I have asked some pretty stupid questions in my day. For instance, when I was a young child I asked my mother what my forehead was for? She looked at me, exasperated, and answered, "To hold your brain in Shawnacee." I am ever so grateful to actually have a brain for my forehead to hold intact...........unlike some Wal Mart shoppers. ;)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Since When Are The Children Making Choices?
In my incredibly, high powered, prestigious job as a sample lady at Wal Mart, it is my duty to provide products to customers for sampling. I stand there looking quite lovely in orange, smiling, pretending to be Vana White, enticing people to approach my cart. Of course, the choice is totally there's as to whether or not they will sample. I had one grown man last week stand at my cart taking sample after sample, stuffing his face. "Dude! This is a sample cart not a buffet!" I wanted to shout at him as his hand reached for yet ANOTHER power bar. If I had been able to set my Holy Ghost aside, climb over that cart in an even remotely ladylike manner and pinch this guys head off I would have. Fortunately, for all involved, my Holy Ghost stayed firmly in tact. It is incumbent upon my customers to make their own CHOICE as to whether or not they want what I am offering on any given day.
This leads me to my current "rant and rave." I have encountered a new phenomenon in our movement. There are Holy Ghost filled, tongue talking believers out there who are giving there children the choice of whether or not to attend church with them! You may be thinking to yourself, "Shawnacee, you must be speaking of children over the age of eighteen, or young adults who are still living at home? Right" WRONG!! No, I am speaking of elementary aged children and very young teens!! Several individuals who adhere to this newfangled way of raising their children are very faithful to the house of God themselves, yet their children are given a choice as to whether they would like to attend church with their parents that day or evening. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess what decision these children are going to make. Of course they are going to want to sleep in and play instead of going to church! Their kids for crying out loud, they do not have the wisdom or the life experiences to make wise choices, that's why they have been given parents. Too often here of late I see families where the children act as the adults and the parents as the children. As my children's father use to say, "the inmates are running the asylum!"
I am breathing heavily with anger and frustration over this. I have one question mom and dad. When your children are driving cars and sneaking out of windows to meet up with the opposite sex, or sneaking behind the gym at school to do drugs and smoke will you still be giving them a choice regarding church? Let me clue you in on something.........if they don't wanna go now, they sure as heck (is that a cuss word?) won't want to go then!
I don't claim to be the mother of the decade, I have, do and will make mistakes in the raising of my children just as all parents do from time to time, but this is beyond the pale! If the government or evil forces limited who could attend church from our home, with only one person allowed to go it would be my daughter Haley. I would sacrifice my own soul for hers, it is absolutely VITAL that she be saved! I don't get it.
Oh don't worry, my children had choices........they chose whether or not to go to church willingly or under threat of death. Also, they chose what they wore........they could wear modest, holy, conservative, or, if they didn't like that, they could sport a very fashionable hand print on their bare backsides.......pick one. They also had a choice in who they dated......christians from our church, or, a christian from a neighboring church of like faith. But when it came to their salvation..........until they became legally emancipated at the age of eighteen, I AND THEIR FATHER made that decision for them. The choice was Heaven or hell and Heaven won out every time.
I can honestly say that when I stand before God's holy throne on judgement day that I will be guiltless when it comes to the way that I raised our three precious children. They were taught to be faithful to the house of God, reverence Him, have complete and utter faith in Him and that His word is infallible! If they choose as adults to to reject those teachings, they are free to do so. They KNOW the correct path.
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Mom or dad, I beg you, GET A CLUE before your precious little ones are clued in to the enticing, destructive, pleasures of sin for a season. For surely, there will be a day when they cannot make a choice regarding their eternities. Let them choose the flavor of ice cream they want, but please, not their souls!
And now, as I try to catch my breath and calm my nerves after having practically beaten this keyboard into fragments, I think I will go take a Benadryl or something and try to relax.
This leads me to my current "rant and rave." I have encountered a new phenomenon in our movement. There are Holy Ghost filled, tongue talking believers out there who are giving there children the choice of whether or not to attend church with them! You may be thinking to yourself, "Shawnacee, you must be speaking of children over the age of eighteen, or young adults who are still living at home? Right" WRONG!! No, I am speaking of elementary aged children and very young teens!! Several individuals who adhere to this newfangled way of raising their children are very faithful to the house of God themselves, yet their children are given a choice as to whether they would like to attend church with their parents that day or evening. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess what decision these children are going to make. Of course they are going to want to sleep in and play instead of going to church! Their kids for crying out loud, they do not have the wisdom or the life experiences to make wise choices, that's why they have been given parents. Too often here of late I see families where the children act as the adults and the parents as the children. As my children's father use to say, "the inmates are running the asylum!"
I am breathing heavily with anger and frustration over this. I have one question mom and dad. When your children are driving cars and sneaking out of windows to meet up with the opposite sex, or sneaking behind the gym at school to do drugs and smoke will you still be giving them a choice regarding church? Let me clue you in on something.........if they don't wanna go now, they sure as heck (is that a cuss word?) won't want to go then!
I don't claim to be the mother of the decade, I have, do and will make mistakes in the raising of my children just as all parents do from time to time, but this is beyond the pale! If the government or evil forces limited who could attend church from our home, with only one person allowed to go it would be my daughter Haley. I would sacrifice my own soul for hers, it is absolutely VITAL that she be saved! I don't get it.
Oh don't worry, my children had choices........they chose whether or not to go to church willingly or under threat of death. Also, they chose what they wore........they could wear modest, holy, conservative, or, if they didn't like that, they could sport a very fashionable hand print on their bare backsides.......pick one. They also had a choice in who they dated......christians from our church, or, a christian from a neighboring church of like faith. But when it came to their salvation..........until they became legally emancipated at the age of eighteen, I AND THEIR FATHER made that decision for them. The choice was Heaven or hell and Heaven won out every time.
I can honestly say that when I stand before God's holy throne on judgement day that I will be guiltless when it comes to the way that I raised our three precious children. They were taught to be faithful to the house of God, reverence Him, have complete and utter faith in Him and that His word is infallible! If they choose as adults to to reject those teachings, they are free to do so. They KNOW the correct path.
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Mom or dad, I beg you, GET A CLUE before your precious little ones are clued in to the enticing, destructive, pleasures of sin for a season. For surely, there will be a day when they cannot make a choice regarding their eternities. Let them choose the flavor of ice cream they want, but please, not their souls!
And now, as I try to catch my breath and calm my nerves after having practically beaten this keyboard into fragments, I think I will go take a Benadryl or something and try to relax.
Monday, December 5, 2011
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!.........Well La Dee Flippin' Da!
For my blog followers I have been painfully absent from my keyboard since October 31st due to a self induced food coma. I have seriously been up to my ear lobes in tasty holiday treats. It all started with Halloween. I KNEW that day was evil, but oh my Lord is it ever tasty. No Tootsie Rolls, Smarties and hard candies for this mom! No sirree! It's all Butterfinger, Almond Joy, Snickers, Kit Kat and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups when you knock on our door!
And then comes Thanksgiving. Its an absolute must that I make my world famous turkey and dressing, broccoli slaw, popcorn balls, cheese ball and, of course, my hash brown casserole that lays the entire family out into a spiritual trance it is so darn good! And God has blessed me with a husband who can straight up cook as well. He makes the most incredibe magic cookie bars that never fail to send ME into a sugar euphoria. So, there you have it. Death by delicious goodness. I promise you my size eight skirts call out to me daily as I pass by my closet. They cry pitifully, "Shawnacee! Remember us? Do you remember how close we once were? Come to us! Wear us!" I don't have the heart to tell them that they are part of a love triangle between they, myself, and a cheese ball. And the cheese ball is winning by a long shot.
And so, now, here we are staring Christmas in the face. I have already begun to dig out the old family favorite recipes and I promise I got bloated just reading them. And then, of course, I drug a folding chair out to the garage and pulled down all of the Christmas decorations. Oh joy, joy, yippee yee haw. Am I a terrible person that I no longer care if all of the wise men are facing the proper direction in the nativity scene, or that the angel topping the tree is missing an eyeball and her wings are listing dangerously to the left? Am I a total scrooge if I don't give a rip whether or not the wrapping paper coordinates with the ornaments on the tree or whether or not the ornaments blend with the color and decor of my living room? Oh dear Lord I really have lost it, for most of my current ornaments came from the dollar store!! Back in the day, this lady would have NEVER stooped to that! Christmas was SACRED!! What has happened pray tell? I'll tell you what has happened........all my kiddies are grown and Christmas no longer holds that magical allure for me it once did.
Add to this the fact that I have inherited three wonderful younger stepdaughters, ages fourteen, twelve and ten. Paul and I asked the girls to write a short (we emphasized short) list of some things they would want for Christmas. I was dismayed as Noelle, our ten year old stated emphatically that she wanted a giant gummy bear. I am serious, this thing really exists. It is like nine inches tall and about four inches thick. She is determined that this is what she wants. My oldest stepdaughter's list read something like this; Laptop, strobe lights and a Lamborghini with flames............I'm not kidding. Dear Lord take me back to Barbie and Ken and their townhouse!! Oh well, times have changed I guess, as my own daughter has proclaimed that she wants..............wait for it.......... A MAN!
This mother is done! Done I tell you with fighting the sweating, frothing at the mouth masses as they fight over the latest video game or technological wonder!! Take me back to the good old days when stockings were filled with oranges, an assortment of nuts and candy canes and you felt like the king of the world if you had one gift such as a new pair of skates or a stereo. Oh well, I have completed my venting over this modern day materialistic holiday. Come Christmas eve the nativity scene will be perfect, resting delicately upon the loose hay that I will scatter beneath it. The old gals eyeball will be hot glued back into place and her wings realigned. And me, I will be all warm and cozy in my spongebob Snuggie, gazing upon my dollar store Christmas tree in awe, sipping on some hot cider and stuffing my face with cheese ball, coming up for air only to kiss my love dove. Oh yeah, Christmas still does it for me.
Below, you will find some of my treasured, family favorite holiday recipes, including that evil cheese ball! ;)
Rock Your World and Expand Your Waistline Cheese Ball!
8 ounces of cream cheese, soft
8 ounces of shredded cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoon of dry onion soup mix
1 teaspoon lemon juice
2 to 3 dashes of garlic powder
chopped walnuts
Combine cream cheese and cheddar cheese with hands until blended. Add the rest of the ingredients except for the walnuts and blend well. Form into a ball and roll in walnuts, pressing the walnuts slightly into the cheese ball. Wrap in foil or saran wrap and chill. Serve with Ritz crackers and be transported to a heavenly place!
The Most Delicious Bread Pudding To Ever Grace Your Tongue!
2 cups of milk
1/4 cup of butter
1/3 cup of brown sugar
3 eggs
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg
1 teaspoon of vanilla
3 cups of french bread torn into pieces
1/2 cup of raisins
In a medium saucepan, heat milk over medium heat until film forms. Add butter and stir until melted. Cool to a lukewarm temperature. Blend the eggs, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla and add to the milk mixture. Place bread in a lightly greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Sprinkle with raisins and then pour batter over bread and raisins. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes. Bread pudding sauce recipe below.
Sauce
1 cup of whole milk
2 Tablespoons of butter
1/3 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 Tablespoon of flour
dash of salt
Mix all ingredients and bring to a boil for 3 to 4 minutes stirring constantly. Set aside for 5 minutes, then pour over pudding.
And then comes Thanksgiving. Its an absolute must that I make my world famous turkey and dressing, broccoli slaw, popcorn balls, cheese ball and, of course, my hash brown casserole that lays the entire family out into a spiritual trance it is so darn good! And God has blessed me with a husband who can straight up cook as well. He makes the most incredibe magic cookie bars that never fail to send ME into a sugar euphoria. So, there you have it. Death by delicious goodness. I promise you my size eight skirts call out to me daily as I pass by my closet. They cry pitifully, "Shawnacee! Remember us? Do you remember how close we once were? Come to us! Wear us!" I don't have the heart to tell them that they are part of a love triangle between they, myself, and a cheese ball. And the cheese ball is winning by a long shot.
And so, now, here we are staring Christmas in the face. I have already begun to dig out the old family favorite recipes and I promise I got bloated just reading them. And then, of course, I drug a folding chair out to the garage and pulled down all of the Christmas decorations. Oh joy, joy, yippee yee haw. Am I a terrible person that I no longer care if all of the wise men are facing the proper direction in the nativity scene, or that the angel topping the tree is missing an eyeball and her wings are listing dangerously to the left? Am I a total scrooge if I don't give a rip whether or not the wrapping paper coordinates with the ornaments on the tree or whether or not the ornaments blend with the color and decor of my living room? Oh dear Lord I really have lost it, for most of my current ornaments came from the dollar store!! Back in the day, this lady would have NEVER stooped to that! Christmas was SACRED!! What has happened pray tell? I'll tell you what has happened........all my kiddies are grown and Christmas no longer holds that magical allure for me it once did.
Add to this the fact that I have inherited three wonderful younger stepdaughters, ages fourteen, twelve and ten. Paul and I asked the girls to write a short (we emphasized short) list of some things they would want for Christmas. I was dismayed as Noelle, our ten year old stated emphatically that she wanted a giant gummy bear. I am serious, this thing really exists. It is like nine inches tall and about four inches thick. She is determined that this is what she wants. My oldest stepdaughter's list read something like this; Laptop, strobe lights and a Lamborghini with flames............I'm not kidding. Dear Lord take me back to Barbie and Ken and their townhouse!! Oh well, times have changed I guess, as my own daughter has proclaimed that she wants..............wait for it.......... A MAN!
This mother is done! Done I tell you with fighting the sweating, frothing at the mouth masses as they fight over the latest video game or technological wonder!! Take me back to the good old days when stockings were filled with oranges, an assortment of nuts and candy canes and you felt like the king of the world if you had one gift such as a new pair of skates or a stereo. Oh well, I have completed my venting over this modern day materialistic holiday. Come Christmas eve the nativity scene will be perfect, resting delicately upon the loose hay that I will scatter beneath it. The old gals eyeball will be hot glued back into place and her wings realigned. And me, I will be all warm and cozy in my spongebob Snuggie, gazing upon my dollar store Christmas tree in awe, sipping on some hot cider and stuffing my face with cheese ball, coming up for air only to kiss my love dove. Oh yeah, Christmas still does it for me.
Below, you will find some of my treasured, family favorite holiday recipes, including that evil cheese ball! ;)
Rock Your World and Expand Your Waistline Cheese Ball!
8 ounces of cream cheese, soft
8 ounces of shredded cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoon of dry onion soup mix
1 teaspoon lemon juice
2 to 3 dashes of garlic powder
chopped walnuts
Combine cream cheese and cheddar cheese with hands until blended. Add the rest of the ingredients except for the walnuts and blend well. Form into a ball and roll in walnuts, pressing the walnuts slightly into the cheese ball. Wrap in foil or saran wrap and chill. Serve with Ritz crackers and be transported to a heavenly place!
The Most Delicious Bread Pudding To Ever Grace Your Tongue!
2 cups of milk
1/4 cup of butter
1/3 cup of brown sugar
3 eggs
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg
1 teaspoon of vanilla
3 cups of french bread torn into pieces
1/2 cup of raisins
In a medium saucepan, heat milk over medium heat until film forms. Add butter and stir until melted. Cool to a lukewarm temperature. Blend the eggs, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla and add to the milk mixture. Place bread in a lightly greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Sprinkle with raisins and then pour batter over bread and raisins. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes. Bread pudding sauce recipe below.
Sauce
1 cup of whole milk
2 Tablespoons of butter
1/3 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 Tablespoon of flour
dash of salt
Mix all ingredients and bring to a boil for 3 to 4 minutes stirring constantly. Set aside for 5 minutes, then pour over pudding.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Recipes, Remedies and Some Really Important Stuff
As a Wal Mart sample lady I get to view the world through my sneeze guard and from beneath the bill of my bright orange cap. The orange blends quite nicely with my hair if I may say so myself. What better place than Wal Mart to get the real feel of America!! Who doesn't LOVE Wal Mart? I have always been a fan of this exciting retail heaven from the day it was introduced to my late husband and I by our dear friends Mike and Nancy Flowers.
I can recall Nancy gushing at how wonderful this mega, one stop shopping place was! And how cheap it was! I distinctly recall her saying that she and her husband would "make a day of it" on their excursions to "Wally World," seeing as how there was not one in their hometown, they had to TRAVEL to Wal Mart! Thank God Wal Mart is rather prolific in this part of the country now........whatever would we do without one??
Now don't curl up your nose in distaste all of you Target die hards! I love Target as well and go there for particular items. And yes, the clientele at Target do seem to be of a somewhat higher quality than those at Wal Mart, but the fact remains, Wal Mart prices cannot be beat!! They are "falling" you know.
I received the incredibly disturbing news last week that I will be working on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, as well as the Saturday and Sunday after Thanksgiving!! What??!! Are you kidding me? How can this be? Pumpkin pies and various fall delicacies await me at home with a cozy fire burning in my fireplace and the comfort of my hubby's arms! Are you insane!? And Black Friday as well??!! Dear God what has become of this world. Who will battle the masses and fight their way to the front of the herd to snag the latest and greatest technological items at ungodly low prices if I am trapped behind my cart I ask you!!??
Somewhere in between the pounding of my heart, the gritting of my teeth and clenching of my fists the good Lord, (and He is so VERY good!) whacked me on the backside and grabbed me by my chin and said, very sternly, "Shawnacee! Get over it, you have a job, be thankful!"
Slightly deflated, I decided to suck it up, stop complaining and DEAL!! I then promptly went home and decided to whip up my favorite comfort food and have myself a little pity party whilst cramming my mouth full of delicious, tender, saucy morsels of scalloped potatoes.
Potatoes really are the food of the Gods! Surely the good Lord himself reached down with His mighty Hand, dipped His finger into the moist fertile earth of the garden and Supernaturally planted, THE POTATO!! I will eat them anyway you serve them up. Boiled, mashed, fried, scalloped, hashed, baked, it doesn't matter. They are delicious in any form! Please do not mar my potato fantasy by throwing in helpful facts such as how they are starchy and full of carbs which promptly convert into sugar as the potato makes it's way from the mouth to the stomach...........I KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!!
The following are two potato recipes that I have done for years that are sure to delight the taste buds of your man and your little chicklets! ;)
SCALLOPED POTATOES
4 medium potatoes peeled and sliced
salt
pepper
1 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup chicken broth
Layer potatoes in a baking dish (lightly spray dish with PAM) and salt and pepper to your desire. Blend whipping cream and chicken broth together and pour over potatoes. Bake at 375 degrees uncovered for 50-55 minutes or until potatoes are tender and a little golden brown.
POTATOES AND ONIONS
6 to 8 peeled and sliced potatoes
One onion sliced into rings
salt and pepper
one cube of butter thinly sliced
Peel and slice your potatoes and lay in a lightly PAM sprayed 9x13 dish. Place the entire onion sliced into rings over the potatoes. Salt and pepper to the desired amount. Evenly spread our the slices of butter onto potatoes. Cover tightly with foil and bake for about 45 minutes at 375 degrees. When potatoes and onions are tender, remove foil and place under the broiler until nicely browned.
CAN ANYONE SAY DELISH!!?? Well, swallow first because that's rude and THEN say it!
So, while I sat on my couch and pondered my plight of having to work over the holidays I took a second look at the lovely leather recliner that I inherited upon my marriage and gasped to see that it was in sore need of a cleaning. It was downright "icka-butt-nasty" as Paul so eloquently puts it. But however do I clean a leather piece of furniture properly without causing damage? I promptly inquired of the Internet!! I did a Google search and discovered that I could clean my chair with a soft cloth and some baby shampoo and then rinse with warm, clean water! And "voila!" it looks brand new!
I was pleased as punch as I sat in my comfy, clean recliner shoveling the "heavenly root" all scalloped up and everything into my mouth. I am smiling now. ;)
I can recall Nancy gushing at how wonderful this mega, one stop shopping place was! And how cheap it was! I distinctly recall her saying that she and her husband would "make a day of it" on their excursions to "Wally World," seeing as how there was not one in their hometown, they had to TRAVEL to Wal Mart! Thank God Wal Mart is rather prolific in this part of the country now........whatever would we do without one??
Now don't curl up your nose in distaste all of you Target die hards! I love Target as well and go there for particular items. And yes, the clientele at Target do seem to be of a somewhat higher quality than those at Wal Mart, but the fact remains, Wal Mart prices cannot be beat!! They are "falling" you know.
I received the incredibly disturbing news last week that I will be working on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, as well as the Saturday and Sunday after Thanksgiving!! What??!! Are you kidding me? How can this be? Pumpkin pies and various fall delicacies await me at home with a cozy fire burning in my fireplace and the comfort of my hubby's arms! Are you insane!? And Black Friday as well??!! Dear God what has become of this world. Who will battle the masses and fight their way to the front of the herd to snag the latest and greatest technological items at ungodly low prices if I am trapped behind my cart I ask you!!??
Somewhere in between the pounding of my heart, the gritting of my teeth and clenching of my fists the good Lord, (and He is so VERY good!) whacked me on the backside and grabbed me by my chin and said, very sternly, "Shawnacee! Get over it, you have a job, be thankful!"
Slightly deflated, I decided to suck it up, stop complaining and DEAL!! I then promptly went home and decided to whip up my favorite comfort food and have myself a little pity party whilst cramming my mouth full of delicious, tender, saucy morsels of scalloped potatoes.
Potatoes really are the food of the Gods! Surely the good Lord himself reached down with His mighty Hand, dipped His finger into the moist fertile earth of the garden and Supernaturally planted, THE POTATO!! I will eat them anyway you serve them up. Boiled, mashed, fried, scalloped, hashed, baked, it doesn't matter. They are delicious in any form! Please do not mar my potato fantasy by throwing in helpful facts such as how they are starchy and full of carbs which promptly convert into sugar as the potato makes it's way from the mouth to the stomach...........I KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!!
The following are two potato recipes that I have done for years that are sure to delight the taste buds of your man and your little chicklets! ;)
SCALLOPED POTATOES
4 medium potatoes peeled and sliced
salt
pepper
1 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup chicken broth
Layer potatoes in a baking dish (lightly spray dish with PAM) and salt and pepper to your desire. Blend whipping cream and chicken broth together and pour over potatoes. Bake at 375 degrees uncovered for 50-55 minutes or until potatoes are tender and a little golden brown.
POTATOES AND ONIONS
6 to 8 peeled and sliced potatoes
One onion sliced into rings
salt and pepper
one cube of butter thinly sliced
Peel and slice your potatoes and lay in a lightly PAM sprayed 9x13 dish. Place the entire onion sliced into rings over the potatoes. Salt and pepper to the desired amount. Evenly spread our the slices of butter onto potatoes. Cover tightly with foil and bake for about 45 minutes at 375 degrees. When potatoes and onions are tender, remove foil and place under the broiler until nicely browned.
CAN ANYONE SAY DELISH!!?? Well, swallow first because that's rude and THEN say it!
So, while I sat on my couch and pondered my plight of having to work over the holidays I took a second look at the lovely leather recliner that I inherited upon my marriage and gasped to see that it was in sore need of a cleaning. It was downright "icka-butt-nasty" as Paul so eloquently puts it. But however do I clean a leather piece of furniture properly without causing damage? I promptly inquired of the Internet!! I did a Google search and discovered that I could clean my chair with a soft cloth and some baby shampoo and then rinse with warm, clean water! And "voila!" it looks brand new!
I was pleased as punch as I sat in my comfy, clean recliner shoveling the "heavenly root" all scalloped up and everything into my mouth. I am smiling now. ;)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Menopause and The Produce Department
I think I am pre menopausal. No, let me rephrase that. I KNOW that I am pre menopausal. If the fact that I fantasize about strangling my unsuspecting family as they lie sleeping in their beds is any clue, then yes, I am pre menopausal. Shoot, maybe I am not "pre" at all, perhaps it is FULL BLOWN menopause. Take into consideration the fact that I wake up all through the night absolutely soaked in sweat, alternating between freezing and boiling internally.
And then, there is that horrible little flaw of mine. The one that wants to chase certain Wal Mart shoppers down with an oversized zucchini and beat some common sense into them. Lord have mercy. I can't tell you how many times in one day I WISH that some annoying customer would find themselves standing directly UNDER one of Wal Mart's "falling prices."
Such was the case yesterday as I sampled my wares. I am standing there, hoping that someone will take an interest in the Smoky Barbecue Wheat Thins that I am hawking when a loud voice bellows, "Make way! Speed Racer's coming!" Startled, I look up to see the man who had made the announcement. He stood there in the center of the aisle, his large silver belt buckle cutting into the beer gut that hung over his Levi's. He wore a dirty white t-shirt and a baseball cap sat atop his head.
About that time, rounding the corner, "Speed Racer" came into view. This fella wasn't a whole lot better off than his announcer. He was in one of those motorized scooter thingies. And, from the looks of it, had no valid reason for operating one in the fist place!
He rolls up to my cart and says, "So what do you have here?" I promptly recite to him the scripted pitch as he reaches under the sneeze guard to retrieve some Wheat Thins. It is then that I hear his friend, who had previously heralded his arrival yell out, yet again, "Aaahhh, leave that alone! You can't even chew..........you aint got no teeth!" With that, "Speed Racer" put it in high gear and split.
Oh dear Lord!! Surely you have landed me in this place for some reason other than earning Sam Walton an extra buck. Perhaps it is patience and long suffering that God is intending to teach me.
My patience was put to the test once again later in the day when I hear a very large man barking orders to his tiny, frail grandmother. I glared at him, he didn't see me, too intent was he upon getting granny to do his bidding. Later, I return to my cart to find Grandma loitering there. She explains to me that her grandson does not want her wandering around the store while he shops because he does not want her to buy anything. Astounded, I am prepared to tell her just what I think of her brutish grandson's treatment of her, when, down the aisle, howling at the top of his lungs calling for gram's, lumbers said bully. Grandma scampers off after him as I shoot him a look that would wilt lettuce.
All I could think about was the fact that if that were ME treating MY mother or grandmother in that manner, I would find myself traveling from the produce department to the electronics department at the speed of light.........with a tatoo of my mother's handprint on the side of my face for dramatic affect.
Sheesh!! What is this world coming to? I see a lot from my little Wal Mart cart, some of which I would rather not ever have to see, but then again, there are scenes that warm the heart. For instance, the elderly couple walking,still holding hands, in love after all these years. Or the young mother, talking to her baby sitting in the seat of the cart as she shops, the dad shopping alone with all of his kids as they run around sucking on suckers he has purchased to keep them quiet and compliant. And then there is the family that comes in every week with their down syndrome son, his hair neatly combed, parted on the side, all spit polished and neat as a pin, and he, with that ever present smile...........
You see, there ARE positive things besides the lowest prices of any retail market to be found at Wal Mart.
So,today, I prepare to set up my cart of "bright ideas" yet once again. And if you dare backtalk your little grandma, I be comin' after you with a large vegetable. =)
And then, there is that horrible little flaw of mine. The one that wants to chase certain Wal Mart shoppers down with an oversized zucchini and beat some common sense into them. Lord have mercy. I can't tell you how many times in one day I WISH that some annoying customer would find themselves standing directly UNDER one of Wal Mart's "falling prices."
Such was the case yesterday as I sampled my wares. I am standing there, hoping that someone will take an interest in the Smoky Barbecue Wheat Thins that I am hawking when a loud voice bellows, "Make way! Speed Racer's coming!" Startled, I look up to see the man who had made the announcement. He stood there in the center of the aisle, his large silver belt buckle cutting into the beer gut that hung over his Levi's. He wore a dirty white t-shirt and a baseball cap sat atop his head.
About that time, rounding the corner, "Speed Racer" came into view. This fella wasn't a whole lot better off than his announcer. He was in one of those motorized scooter thingies. And, from the looks of it, had no valid reason for operating one in the fist place!
He rolls up to my cart and says, "So what do you have here?" I promptly recite to him the scripted pitch as he reaches under the sneeze guard to retrieve some Wheat Thins. It is then that I hear his friend, who had previously heralded his arrival yell out, yet again, "Aaahhh, leave that alone! You can't even chew..........you aint got no teeth!" With that, "Speed Racer" put it in high gear and split.
Oh dear Lord!! Surely you have landed me in this place for some reason other than earning Sam Walton an extra buck. Perhaps it is patience and long suffering that God is intending to teach me.
My patience was put to the test once again later in the day when I hear a very large man barking orders to his tiny, frail grandmother. I glared at him, he didn't see me, too intent was he upon getting granny to do his bidding. Later, I return to my cart to find Grandma loitering there. She explains to me that her grandson does not want her wandering around the store while he shops because he does not want her to buy anything. Astounded, I am prepared to tell her just what I think of her brutish grandson's treatment of her, when, down the aisle, howling at the top of his lungs calling for gram's, lumbers said bully. Grandma scampers off after him as I shoot him a look that would wilt lettuce.
All I could think about was the fact that if that were ME treating MY mother or grandmother in that manner, I would find myself traveling from the produce department to the electronics department at the speed of light.........with a tatoo of my mother's handprint on the side of my face for dramatic affect.
Sheesh!! What is this world coming to? I see a lot from my little Wal Mart cart, some of which I would rather not ever have to see, but then again, there are scenes that warm the heart. For instance, the elderly couple walking,still holding hands, in love after all these years. Or the young mother, talking to her baby sitting in the seat of the cart as she shops, the dad shopping alone with all of his kids as they run around sucking on suckers he has purchased to keep them quiet and compliant. And then there is the family that comes in every week with their down syndrome son, his hair neatly combed, parted on the side, all spit polished and neat as a pin, and he, with that ever present smile...........
You see, there ARE positive things besides the lowest prices of any retail market to be found at Wal Mart.
So,today, I prepare to set up my cart of "bright ideas" yet once again. And if you dare backtalk your little grandma, I be comin' after you with a large vegetable. =)
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Quick Cook Pasta? Who'da a Thunk It?
I had a wonderfully busy time today at your friendly, one stop shopping place, WAL MART! I was rustling up some really good grub that I intend to share with all of my readers. I can't say that I received any new and amazing revelations, or that I observed anything that would cause you to fall out of your chair laughing, but I do have some things to share with you!
For starters, I would like to share with you the recipe that I referred to in my last blog, remember, the one with the rice and the VEGGIES that grown, muscle bound men refused to eat? Well, it was delicious and housewives everywhere are going to thank me for the recipe! So, here goes!
Mexican Rice With Bouillon (don't know why they call it "mexican", doesn't seem mexican to me, but what do I know?)
1 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 1/2 cups of Instant or Raw Rice
3 Cups of Water
1 Tbsp. Chicken Bouillon Granules
1 1/2 Cup Frozen Peas and Carrots
Heat olive oil in a large sauce pot over heat and cook rice about 2 minutes or until a golden brown, stirring often. Add water and bouillon and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered about 20 minutes or until rice is tender (if you are using instant rice, the cooking time will be shorter) Add frozen vegetables during the last 5 minutes. Remove from heat and fluff with a fork and you are all done!
If you are feeling especially "international," scramble up some eggs and toss with the rice. Throw in some diced ham and a little soy sauce, and, VOILA! You be gettin' yo' chinese on!!
Yesterday, I cooked up some "Tomato Basil Meatball Rotini." One fella came by and asked what I was serving. I very plainly and distinctly told him "pasta with MEATballs." He eyed it, pointed at it and asked, "Does it have meat?" I just looked at him, toothpick in hand and picked out one of the MEATballs and held it up in front of his face. What does one do in a case like this? Sheesh! The recipe for this heavenly dish is as follows.
Tomato Basil MEATBALL Rotini
1/2 bag, approximately 32 frozen, italian style meatballs
2 Cups of Quick Cook Penne Pasta (yes, I said quick cook! It cooks in like 3 minutes! Every woman's dream!)
1 Cup of any brand Spaghetti Sauce
1 Cup of Water
2 Cups of Pictsweet Seasoning Blend (you can find this in the frozen vegetables section)
1 Container of Philadelphia Cooking Cream, Tomato Basil (this will be by the cream cheese)
Preheat an electric skillet to 350 degrees. Add the meatballs, the pasta, spaghetti sauce and water. Top with the 2 cups of frozen seasoning blend and cover. Cook for about 10 minutes, stirring at least every 5 minutes. Add the whole container of the Philadelphia Cooking Cream and stir. Reduce temperature to 200 degrees and let simmer, stirring continuously. When heated through, SERVE! It is very easy and very delicious! Enjoy!
I also served up some warm french bread with a dipping sauce. The sauce consisted of 3 Tbsp. of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and 1 Tbsp. of McCormick Perfect Pinch Seasonings. There are a variety of flavors to choose from. Just blend, and get to dipping warm slices of french bread into this luscious seasoned olive oil! Yum! And it goes great with the meatball rotini.
Well, I should probably go down and help the hubby as he slaves over the garage sale we are attempting to execute. And then, it's off to work for me where I will be gathering tidbits of advice, recipes, and hopefully some hilarious Wal Mart stories to share with you later. As Tigger The Tiger so eloquently put it, "Ta Ta for now! Cept my tails not too springy anymore....... =)
For starters, I would like to share with you the recipe that I referred to in my last blog, remember, the one with the rice and the VEGGIES that grown, muscle bound men refused to eat? Well, it was delicious and housewives everywhere are going to thank me for the recipe! So, here goes!
Mexican Rice With Bouillon (don't know why they call it "mexican", doesn't seem mexican to me, but what do I know?)
1 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 1/2 cups of Instant or Raw Rice
3 Cups of Water
1 Tbsp. Chicken Bouillon Granules
1 1/2 Cup Frozen Peas and Carrots
Heat olive oil in a large sauce pot over heat and cook rice about 2 minutes or until a golden brown, stirring often. Add water and bouillon and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered about 20 minutes or until rice is tender (if you are using instant rice, the cooking time will be shorter) Add frozen vegetables during the last 5 minutes. Remove from heat and fluff with a fork and you are all done!
If you are feeling especially "international," scramble up some eggs and toss with the rice. Throw in some diced ham and a little soy sauce, and, VOILA! You be gettin' yo' chinese on!!
Yesterday, I cooked up some "Tomato Basil Meatball Rotini." One fella came by and asked what I was serving. I very plainly and distinctly told him "pasta with MEATballs." He eyed it, pointed at it and asked, "Does it have meat?" I just looked at him, toothpick in hand and picked out one of the MEATballs and held it up in front of his face. What does one do in a case like this? Sheesh! The recipe for this heavenly dish is as follows.
Tomato Basil MEATBALL Rotini
1/2 bag, approximately 32 frozen, italian style meatballs
2 Cups of Quick Cook Penne Pasta (yes, I said quick cook! It cooks in like 3 minutes! Every woman's dream!)
1 Cup of any brand Spaghetti Sauce
1 Cup of Water
2 Cups of Pictsweet Seasoning Blend (you can find this in the frozen vegetables section)
1 Container of Philadelphia Cooking Cream, Tomato Basil (this will be by the cream cheese)
Preheat an electric skillet to 350 degrees. Add the meatballs, the pasta, spaghetti sauce and water. Top with the 2 cups of frozen seasoning blend and cover. Cook for about 10 minutes, stirring at least every 5 minutes. Add the whole container of the Philadelphia Cooking Cream and stir. Reduce temperature to 200 degrees and let simmer, stirring continuously. When heated through, SERVE! It is very easy and very delicious! Enjoy!
I also served up some warm french bread with a dipping sauce. The sauce consisted of 3 Tbsp. of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and 1 Tbsp. of McCormick Perfect Pinch Seasonings. There are a variety of flavors to choose from. Just blend, and get to dipping warm slices of french bread into this luscious seasoned olive oil! Yum! And it goes great with the meatball rotini.
Well, I should probably go down and help the hubby as he slaves over the garage sale we are attempting to execute. And then, it's off to work for me where I will be gathering tidbits of advice, recipes, and hopefully some hilarious Wal Mart stories to share with you later. As Tigger The Tiger so eloquently put it, "Ta Ta for now! Cept my tails not too springy anymore....... =)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Eat Your Veggies!
As I am setting up my cart at work today I observe something that I had yet to really ponder. It is this fact. The produce and meat department are directly in front of me. The bakery and deli which serves up such delicacies as corn dogs, pizza and chicken nuggets, are behind me. The bakery tantalizes the observer with garlic, cheese and cinnamon breads, cakes, pies and cookies as well as your typical, deliciously processed snacks such as Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Ho Ho's! Which explains why me "back" is so much larger than my "front"......I 'm sorry, I digress. Have you ever pondered the names of those luscious bites of heaven on your tongue? They say you are what you eat, but come on, do we really want to be called a "Twinkie or a Ding Dong? And my hubby just might rearrange your face if I were ever referred to as a "Ho Ho!"
I giggle as I ponder this. Directly in front of me are the fresh meats along with ripe, juicy tomatoes and a large variety of other fruits and vegetables as well as prepackaged salads and snack packs with baby carrots and celery for dipping. Directly behind the produce department is the vitamin aisle. This whole area is dedicated to HEALTH! It is then that I turn to see what other departments hug the bakery directly behind me. It was the floral department! Right there by the exit. Why would there be flowers right alongside the bakery and the deli I ponder? I came to this sad conclusion............IT"S BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE SOON IF YOU EAT ALL THAT JUNK!! Sam Walton was nothing if not a genius of a Marketer!
Wal Mart is a well oiled machine. I watch daily as the masses march through as mindless ants, filling their carts with a lot of things they really don't need. And, as ants are, they are on a hunt for sugar! Hey, I'm not knocking it, I do it all the time! I am a Wal Mart junkie and shoot, I am the QUEEN ant.
The people of Wal Mart are very curious creatures indeed. I am unsure as to why this place attracts people similar to those you would find in a traveling circus......it just does.
There was the one lady who was not interested in my dentastix (a snack that dogs chew to clean their teeth), but was rather more interested in explaining, in great detail, her entire Irish lineage dating back to the 1700's. Or the old fella who stood for at least twenty minutes and talked, without so much as taking a breath about Government conspiracies. I have no clue what that had to do with yogurt, but it broke up the monotony of the day.
Today, I am pushing (don't freak out, I'm only pushing veggies) a delicious side dish of rice, peas and carrots. Quite delicious if I may say so myself. A big nice looking muscular young man approached my cart to snoop out whatever it was that I was dealing. When he saw the little green and orange of the nice, healthy veggies peeking from a bed of rice, he turned his nose up in disgust and walked on by. As he passed, I read the back of his t-shirt. It said, Body Building.com.
I wanted to scream at him, "Dude! You need to eat your veggies!" But I was too late, he was already headed for the chips.
So, the moral of my story is..........EAT YOUR VEGGIES!! I do not want to be buying any flowers for you anytime soon...........unless it's just because you are so sweet of course. =)
I giggle as I ponder this. Directly in front of me are the fresh meats along with ripe, juicy tomatoes and a large variety of other fruits and vegetables as well as prepackaged salads and snack packs with baby carrots and celery for dipping. Directly behind the produce department is the vitamin aisle. This whole area is dedicated to HEALTH! It is then that I turn to see what other departments hug the bakery directly behind me. It was the floral department! Right there by the exit. Why would there be flowers right alongside the bakery and the deli I ponder? I came to this sad conclusion............IT"S BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE SOON IF YOU EAT ALL THAT JUNK!! Sam Walton was nothing if not a genius of a Marketer!
Wal Mart is a well oiled machine. I watch daily as the masses march through as mindless ants, filling their carts with a lot of things they really don't need. And, as ants are, they are on a hunt for sugar! Hey, I'm not knocking it, I do it all the time! I am a Wal Mart junkie and shoot, I am the QUEEN ant.
The people of Wal Mart are very curious creatures indeed. I am unsure as to why this place attracts people similar to those you would find in a traveling circus......it just does.
There was the one lady who was not interested in my dentastix (a snack that dogs chew to clean their teeth), but was rather more interested in explaining, in great detail, her entire Irish lineage dating back to the 1700's. Or the old fella who stood for at least twenty minutes and talked, without so much as taking a breath about Government conspiracies. I have no clue what that had to do with yogurt, but it broke up the monotony of the day.
Today, I am pushing (don't freak out, I'm only pushing veggies) a delicious side dish of rice, peas and carrots. Quite delicious if I may say so myself. A big nice looking muscular young man approached my cart to snoop out whatever it was that I was dealing. When he saw the little green and orange of the nice, healthy veggies peeking from a bed of rice, he turned his nose up in disgust and walked on by. As he passed, I read the back of his t-shirt. It said, Body Building.com.
I wanted to scream at him, "Dude! You need to eat your veggies!" But I was too late, he was already headed for the chips.
So, the moral of my story is..........EAT YOUR VEGGIES!! I do not want to be buying any flowers for you anytime soon...........unless it's just because you are so sweet of course. =)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Attention Wal Mart Shoppers!
Today, I don my white button down shirt, black skirt, black flats with black socks, orange apron, orange ball cap and name tag with my name clearly printed on it in black permanent marker. I am a simple woman, pleased by the simple things in life. I am driven, I have a purpose. What is that purpose you ask? To wow the general public with hair and skin products, pet supplies and the latest foods and snacks.
The view thru the sneeze guard of my sample cart can be quite interesting and downright hilarious at times as I observe the behaviors and antics of your everyday, normal Americans. Well, "normal" may be a stretch for some among us, but, you get my drift.
I also have a LOT, yes, a LOT of time to ponder the finer points of life, especially when marketing something that most people couldn't give a flip about, such as cat litter, dental floss or some weird, newfangled energy drink. During these special moments God and I talk. In my mind of course, I wouldn't want my fellow employees to think I am as loony as most of the Wal Mart shoppers I encounter on a daily basis. During our discussions I find myself enlightened as revelations of life and of those who live it right along beside me are revealed.
At times my observations are very sad, sobering, curious, or, at times, downright hilarious. I will often grab my pen and pad from my handy dandy apron pocket and jot down my thoughts.
The sign above my cart reads, "Bright Ideas." I hope to share some of those ideas with you in the following blogs. I pray that they are ideas and concepts that make you laugh until you snort, cry until your nose runs or think until your brain hurts. Regardless, I want them to impact your life in some way. This job HAS to be good for SOMETHING, right?
"Attention Wal Mart shoppers, listen to the sample lady!"
The view thru the sneeze guard of my sample cart can be quite interesting and downright hilarious at times as I observe the behaviors and antics of your everyday, normal Americans. Well, "normal" may be a stretch for some among us, but, you get my drift.
I also have a LOT, yes, a LOT of time to ponder the finer points of life, especially when marketing something that most people couldn't give a flip about, such as cat litter, dental floss or some weird, newfangled energy drink. During these special moments God and I talk. In my mind of course, I wouldn't want my fellow employees to think I am as loony as most of the Wal Mart shoppers I encounter on a daily basis. During our discussions I find myself enlightened as revelations of life and of those who live it right along beside me are revealed.
At times my observations are very sad, sobering, curious, or, at times, downright hilarious. I will often grab my pen and pad from my handy dandy apron pocket and jot down my thoughts.
The sign above my cart reads, "Bright Ideas." I hope to share some of those ideas with you in the following blogs. I pray that they are ideas and concepts that make you laugh until you snort, cry until your nose runs or think until your brain hurts. Regardless, I want them to impact your life in some way. This job HAS to be good for SOMETHING, right?
"Attention Wal Mart shoppers, listen to the sample lady!"
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